


Love is Awful

by Deenerann



Series: Fleabag Snippets [2]
Category: Fleabag (TV)
Genre: F/M, Those damn foxes, What are they trying to say?, What's up with them?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 07:43:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19970455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deenerann/pseuds/Deenerann
Summary: What happened to the Priest on his way home from the awfulness at the bus stop?





	Love is Awful

It’s killing me to walk away from her like this, but I have to. My garment bag bumps against my legs as I walk—a constant reminder of the choice I just made—and I can’t see where I’m going. My eyes are still full of tears.

  
Love really _is_ awful.

  
I’m about a block from the church when I hear a small scuttling noise behind me. I freeze in place.

  
It can’t be. Not now. Not after _that_.

  
Whirling around, I come face to snout with a fox about two yards away, staring me down.

  
I jump backward and hold my garment bag in front of me like a shield.

  
“No! Go away!”

  
It doesn’t move, just stares at me with those beady, terrifying eyes.

  
“What do you want from me? I did the right thing! For fuck’s sake, go away!”

  
It lowers its head and steps a paw forward. I turn and sprint toward the church.

  
Bursting through the door, I slam it behind me and lean against the wood.

  
Pam is standing near at the alter and screams, the sound shrill in the darkened room. She raises her hands to her heart and gasps, “Oh, Father! You gave me quite the scare! Are you okay?”

  
I nod, my heart still racing. “I’m fine. Thank you.”

  
“How was the wedding? Everything go okay? Was the family pleased?”

  
My thoughts flash back to her. To kissing her in the side garden. To the look on her face during my sermon. To that last painful, horrible encounter at the bus stop.

  
“Brilliant. Everything went brilliantly,” I lie.

  
“Oh, that’s wonderful! Do you want me to hang up your robes?” she asks, walking towards me.

  
I clutch the garment bag tight to my chest. “No, that’s okay. I’ll do it myself.”

  
She stops in front of me, her eyes narrowing. “Father, have you been crying?”

  
Shit.

  
Shit. Shit. Shit.

  
“I—uh—I was just chased by a fox. It freaked me out.” Not entirely a lie.

  
Her eyes go round. “What is _with_ the foxes this year? I’ve never seen so many about. Are you okay?”

  
“I’m fine. It just scared me. I’m going to go hang this up now.” I hold up the bag.

  
She nods. “I’ve left some cookies for you in your office. A parishioner brought them by. Said he thought you’d like them. I’m just cleaning up in here for tomorrow, and then I’m heading in to get some sleep.”

  
“Oh. Thank you. I’m going to take care of some things in my office for a bit.”

  
“No problem. Try not to make too much noise tonight when you come in? Are you having any late night visitors tonight?”

  
I wince. “No. That probably won’t happen again, actually.”

  
She nods, her gaze assessing me. “Okay, then.” She turns and heads out of the church.

  
Sighing, I make my way to the office and pull my robes out of the bag. I run my fingers down the fabric and reminisce about choosing this out with her. That was such a good day. Best I’ve had in a while, actually. My own little fashion show for the woman I love.

  
God, maybe I _am_ in this just for the clothes.

  
Wiping my eyes, I shove the robes in the back of closet and open the box of cookies on the table.

  
Coconut Macaroon. Of course they are. Why would they be anything else? Coconut doesn’t remind me of her _at all_.

  
Grabbing a cookie, I half-heartedly take a bite. The taste of coconut explodes across my senses and I immediately remember the taste of her skin. I spit it back out into my palm and drop my head against the table. No more coconuts for me— _ever_. That stupid game definitely won’t be included in the next church fete. At least I won’t have to hire them out anymore. That’s a plus. Less morally dubious.

  
I laugh to myself. Probably not as morally dubious about breaking my vow of celibacy last night. God, what was I thinking?

  
Oh, who am I kidding? I couldn’t fight that. It became impossible the minute I laid eyes on her in that restaurant and we started hurtling down the path that led to last night.

  
Still, I wouldn’t change a single second, no matter how much it may hurt right now. Better to have lost her than live without her at all, right?

  
I wipe my eyes again and look around the room. Shit. I won't be able to focus on anything tonight. I start to throw the cookies in the bin, but change my mind. If I can’t have her, at least maybe something can remind me of her. I can’t quit her cold turkey, not yet. I need something to keep the hurt at bay.

  
Sighing, I carry the box to my room and set it on the small nightstand. The window is open, so I go to shut it. I want to cloister myself with the smell of coconuts while I sleep. As I reach for the glass, I freeze.

  
There are three foxes outside, staring up at my window.

  
I stumble backward and hide against the wall.

  
Fuck. What the fuck? Three? What the fuck is going on?

  
Tentatively, I peek my head around to look. They’re still there—staring.

  
“What do you want?” I whisper yell. I don’t want to disturb Pam, but this is crazy.

  
I’m half expecting them to respond, but they just watch me.

  
“I chose God. Why do you keep following me? I chose the right path, didn’t I?”

  
No answer.

  
Wiping my eyes again, I slide down the wall until my chin rests on the windowsill. “I did what I had to do. I thought you’d be happy.”

  
I’m talking to God as much as the foxes now, but they still just watch me.

  
“Give me some kind of sign. Show me I’m doing the right thing. I need to know I’m doing what you want.”

  
Still no answer.

  
I’m losing my mind.

  
“Fuck this.” I slam the window shut and drag myself to bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I try not to picture her face, her body, where I was last night—what I was doing at this exact same time twenty-four hours ago.

  
Fuck.

  
Burying my head under the pillow, I close my eyes and will myself to sleep.

  
When I wake in the morning, the foxes are gone.

  
I still don’t know what they’re trying to tell me. I don’t know if I ever will.

  
All I know is…  
Love is _awful_.


End file.
